I'd like to take a look at the usual, conventional wisdom relating to temper tantrums. Have you ever watched (or been subjected to) a tantrum in progress during the time a parent (maybe yourself) was following the traditional, typical ignore-the-tantrum advice? Maybe in some store, a child or baby was in a screaming rage. The parent dealt with the situation by (1) ignoring the child and the tantrum, (2) keeping cool and calm, (3) acting very nonchalant and unruffled, and (4) quickly (while appearing unhurried) getting through the checkout counter and out of the store. This was much to the relief of everyone involved, except likely the child-whose anger at that time had climbed to an extreme level.
Let's take a closer look at this paradigm. (I guarantee-that's the only super-annoying scholarly language I will use here.) Dealing with temper tantrums by ignoring them is part of a very, very old parenting model or set of values, assumptions, practices, and concepts that constitutes a way of viewing tantrum reality that is misguided or wrongheaded.
All along, the parenting experts have been telling parents they should ignore tantrums just because (according to them) ignoring tantrums is the best way to deal with tantrum behavior in children. Experts, however, mostly admit that ignoring tantrums will not change or eliminate them-because, after all, they say, tantrum behavior in children is natural, normal, and inevitable.
Tantrum Probability: Tantrum behavior + responding by ignoring = tantrum behavior.
This circular theory just begs a few questions. What way to measure is there for parents so they can figure out if they're ignoring the temper tantrums well enough or thoroughly enough? No, I'm just kidding. I doubt that anybody asks such a question. Yet they should. How could parents even know if ignoring tantrums is a beneficial and valid technique like the parenting experts say it is? There is no success or change whatsoever to measure and no tools for evaluating this technique's effectiveness. This technique doesn't claim to be effective by way of making a change. It's not supposed to solve anything with this technique. If the tantrum behavior happens to stay the same as before or even gets worse, tantrum parents are just supposed to keep on responding by ignoring just because the experts say so.
And that's exactly what I did at the beginning, novice parent that I was. I repeatedly ignored my first four children's tantrums until each of them outgrew the behavior, at about the age of two. I also responded to the tantrums of my fifth baby by ignoring them, until I found out that this technique was largely contributing to and provoking all of his tantrum behavior. I came to understand that the technique of ignoring tantrum and pre-tantrum anger is a big part of the cause of tantrums. And I learned clearly that as long as tantrums will be ignored they will continue to occur.
Let's take a closer look at this paradigm. (I guarantee-that's the only super-annoying scholarly language I will use here.) Dealing with temper tantrums by ignoring them is part of a very, very old parenting model or set of values, assumptions, practices, and concepts that constitutes a way of viewing tantrum reality that is misguided or wrongheaded.
All along, the parenting experts have been telling parents they should ignore tantrums just because (according to them) ignoring tantrums is the best way to deal with tantrum behavior in children. Experts, however, mostly admit that ignoring tantrums will not change or eliminate them-because, after all, they say, tantrum behavior in children is natural, normal, and inevitable.
Tantrum Probability: Tantrum behavior + responding by ignoring = tantrum behavior.
This circular theory just begs a few questions. What way to measure is there for parents so they can figure out if they're ignoring the temper tantrums well enough or thoroughly enough? No, I'm just kidding. I doubt that anybody asks such a question. Yet they should. How could parents even know if ignoring tantrums is a beneficial and valid technique like the parenting experts say it is? There is no success or change whatsoever to measure and no tools for evaluating this technique's effectiveness. This technique doesn't claim to be effective by way of making a change. It's not supposed to solve anything with this technique. If the tantrum behavior happens to stay the same as before or even gets worse, tantrum parents are just supposed to keep on responding by ignoring just because the experts say so.
And that's exactly what I did at the beginning, novice parent that I was. I repeatedly ignored my first four children's tantrums until each of them outgrew the behavior, at about the age of two. I also responded to the tantrums of my fifth baby by ignoring them, until I found out that this technique was largely contributing to and provoking all of his tantrum behavior. I came to understand that the technique of ignoring tantrum and pre-tantrum anger is a big part of the cause of tantrums. And I learned clearly that as long as tantrums will be ignored they will continue to occur.
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